Children’s lives are being destroyed!

Torn 2 Peaces:

An alienated father shared the following helpful, practical information to this alienated mom regarding a family court corruption situation (collusion with counselors on behalf of abusive dads as seen in a pattern of cases and in hiding evidence and producing interviews that should have but never took place, etc.) in my area that has not only affected me, but other moms: . “1. File complaint with State LICENSING board. These professionals need to have a license to practice and the state agency. This is beyond the psychiatry board that David suggested which only covers psychiatric board certs. Although the APA (American Psychological Association) has a complaint process for psychologists.

2. Lawsuits are difficult unless the person did something truly egregious like had an inappropriate relationship with the patient. I’ve talked to a number of persons who tried this route, Even if you have an expert witness who can vouch for the industry standard of care required and that the professional somehow violated it, the industry standard of care of mental health professionals is wishy washy so few lawyers will take on this type of case.

3. Find the state statute(s) that cover perjury, collusion and any other criminal activity conducted by the professional for the particular jurisdiction and file a criminal police report with the state police Troop in which the professional practices. Follow up with the State’s Attorney to make sure they receive the criminal report and make them provide a response as to whether they intend on pursuing an investigation.

4. Write to your legislature, specifically the committee responsible for the courts and which may have written the legislation allowing the judicial branch to order evaluations in family matters. I tried to get legislation passed this past year to establish a Task Force to study the application of industry standards for evaluations but I was not successful. I will try again next year, But let them know that better oversight legislation is required for these professionals.

Good luck. Misuse of these so called mental health professionals is rampant and a better way must be found to exercise some oversight over their conduct.”

Originally posted on PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT- #PAS:

Extreme controversy is the issue where evidence on both sides can make a compelling case………………BUT when the “facts” making the compelling case are fabricated, incomplete facts become evidence, the people presenting the facts are narcissistic, exude great manipulation and have the money that talks – the victims and the suffers are the children caught in the cross fire and subsequently, the loving, left behind parent.
The Family Justice system is buckling under the pressure and sheer volume of divorce and custody case that exist. Don’t get me wrong, I do blame the Judges for making dire and poor decisions, but one thing can be said – they are way too busy to deal with the proverbial bullshit that reveals itself in their court room and too many Judges are ill equipped to recognize the variety of personality disorders that are present in the court rooms.
Sure – it is never black and white, but when people have…

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Parental Alienation & Victimhood

Torn 2 Peaces:

I used to believe my husband when he talked about how his coworkers were taking advantage of him and how his exes took advantage of him…

Originally posted on PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT- #PAS:

Parents that try to peel a child’s love away from an ex all have something in common: they view themselves as victims in the failed marriage or relationship. A parent who is going through a divorce or just went through one can either pick up the pieces, shoulder the hurt, and move on… or they can view themselves as an aggrieved party. The former tend to keep talk about the ex to a minimum, no matter what he or she did wrong or even maliciously.

The latter, however, set the stage for hostile action against their ex which includes turning the child on him or her. Called Parental Alienation Syndrome” by most professionals (I’ve never liked this term, as a lie that one parent is not worthy of love is abuse– not a “syndrome”).

There is a direct correlation… the more a parent sees himself or herself…

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What to do and what not to do when a child is showing signs of alienation

Torn 2 Peaces:

Excellent dos and don’ts regarding an alienated child. I could have used some of these a long time ago, but this advice will help keep many of us on track. It is very hard not to take personally. Extreme Parental Alienation is so crushing it’s almost debilitating.

This is how my teen daughter would behave after coming home from her dad’s or after communicating with him on her cell phone: She was distant when she’d return from him, she had an almost disgusted look of anger on her face when she’d look at me. One evening there was a tornado warning. It turned out it only knocked a tree down on our deck and scattered things around the yard (but uprooted an old oak not 50 meters away). I went down to her room (my room was in an upstairs loft) and went to her closet and told her we needed to take cover, away from windows and towards center of the house (she knows the safety precautions since they taught them at school and we had gone through tornadoes before). She refused. I sat in her closet ready to forcibly pull her in if I needed to. This is just one instance. I didn’t really know about alienation at the time except that her dad and her paternal aunt were unkind and did not speak to my mother in law, but often negatively about her when they got together, esp. with my father-in-law, who had been divorced from her many years. What I was sensing was that something different would come over her when she talked on her cell phone or was spending the night at his place. She would dress in very boyish or provocatively. Lots of eyeliner went on. She would come back with piercings she did herself. I did not have this article then. I became very upset about her gauging her ears because I knew she’d be shunned towards drug users, etc., at school. It also scared me that she was doing those things. I didn’t know what to do; I was overwhelmed. I knew I was doing everything I could to giver her a good life. I knew her dad would not help, but I had no idea the extent of his evil schemes and how he would use this and her to destroy our relationship.Alice in PAS

Originally posted on Karen Woodall:

As we push on to get the book finished and ready for you we have reached the point at which we are compiling quick reference points, the do’s and don’t’s if you like of coping with parental alienation.  Today I am writing the what not to do checklist and I thought it might be useful to have as a handy guide for anyone who is experiencing withdrawal currently.

A child who is in withdrawal from you will act in distinct ways and it is important that you understand the difference between what is an alienation reaction and what is a natural part of the child moving in between two homes.  Children who are moving between homes will often display the following behaviours, this does not mean that they are becoming alientated but it does mean that they are struggling with transition and when a child struggles with transition, withdrawal can…

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Soaring Through The Alienation Journey

 

I often feel the need to confess the disappointment I feel in myself as a targeted parent. I always strived to be the strong one, the one who denied myself and sacrificed what was easy for what I thought was best for everyone at the time. (After reflecting on what I could have used from my own abused mother, I realize now that sometimes what is best for everyone is to model self-care and not teach your child to become a victim or victimizer.)

Coming back from seeing my severely alienated child (now 18), left me overwhelmed. I went trying to control my expectations, and I think I did pretty well. I refrained from putting too much pressure on myself and that helped to invite relaxation, joy, natural expression… It felt surreal. I got to hug her! I served her and gave to her. I listened to her. I shared with her.

The visit and the ending of the visit was also hurtful. It was anxiety-provoking to see my daughter distressed. It was painful to see her reserved and without much warmth or understanding. I mean, does she not realize how her dad involved her to scheme to get me arrested and just how harmful that was to me, her siblings, my mom and her? And the lies she had said about me even to her friends. (Strangely, her very small group of friends seem not even a bit tense or reserved toward me.)

And it took a lot of emotional energy from me to go back home to work where we can be free from the obsessive alienator’s interference, which is provoked tenfold by my proximity.

What does she expect besides me working to support myself, her, and expressing love and support in creative ways when her dad put a stop to our relationship and peace as well as our psychological and financial safety — leaving me with not just a little post traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, despair? How can she be so nonchalant and unforgiving after her dad terrorized us and betrayed all trust? (He is still manipulating and using fraud to exploit.)

Of course there are intellectual answers to these questions. But still, I feel these questions at times when I feel rejected — not getting a measly text for Mother’s Day, a question from her concerning my health (I was a bit sick during my visit), and whether I arrived safely from my journey. Does she care at all for me? I remember feeling very uncared for, very unappreciated by my kids during much of their childhood. They were taught to not appreciate or care for or respect me by the man of the house we depended on. No one in the home was very kind to me. I wanted my birthdays to be about them. Everything was about them. I turned down my radio, turned off the TV, always always always to listen listen listen and be there for them and plan plan plan everything that could give them an academic advantage or joy in their heart and love from as many people as possible. I adjusted and adjusted and adjusted my career — the career I depended on, because as it turned out, I was scammed during the marriage and divorce and it was up to me not only to supervise, discipline, protect, teach, chauffeur and eventually provide solely for myself, but to a large degree solely for my kids. Not fair to them. I wanted them, planned for them to have an enchanted life, without harm. Things went wildly astray. I could have drowned in loneliness, pain, and guilt.

Yesterday, I felt torn between expressing love to my daughter and nurturing this pain I was feeling — I don’t want to keep getting hurt, rejected! I’ve supported her financially and emotionally as best as I could given the circumstance of dealing with sociopathic schemes and obsessive parental alienation abuse. I have not really spoken to her about “my side.” When and if she cares, I think it would help her understand, and then she could be grounded in reality instead of swimming in a swirl of lies. Formerly alienated kids recommend parents take up for themselves by telling their point of view, but my daughter is not ready or open to it at this time. So be it. I believe it will take time for her to see his patterns of interference in our relationship, but I do worry about any more harm her dad may cause with his controlling games….

I know this is not her fault, but I still feel hurt and disappointment. She could be dismissive of me as a parent when she was much, much younger (following her dad’s lead and encouragement even during “marriage.”

I want to rise above these emotions and unproductive thoughts. I do, often. But I want to always. I can’t help but feel like a BIG FAT FAILURE.

Yesterday evening, I came across the following quotes on Twitter:

“Everyday new day is a chance to solidify you by your acts of love and kindness even when it’s a battle to do so.”

“Be loving one another because it’s love that without a doubt covers a multitude of sins. Expressing yourself in the most caring way you can.”

These quotes encourage me during times of feeling especially vulnerable and misunderstood. (I know I am failing to understand my daughter and her vulnerability.)

What do these quotes mean to you in relation to parental alienation?

What do you do to nurture yourself so that you can keep your heart and arms wide open?

Foundations: The Book

Torn 2 Peaces:

Although psychologists and others involved in the legal system who are only there to meet their own agenda won’t be assisted by this book, professionals who care should find this book a much-needed tool in any Parental Alienation case. Those who cannot afford “justice” should still be armed with Dr. Childress’s information to share with school counselors, librarians, etc.

Other useful books are referred to in other recent blog posts here.

Originally posted on Dr Craig Childress: Attachment-Based "Parental Alienation":

My book “An Attachment-Based Model of Parental Alienation: Foundations” is due for publication in the next few weeks.  This book is the culmination of my work over the past seven years to redefine the construct of “parental alienation” from entirely within standard and established mental health constructs and principles.

This book will fundamentally alter the current discussion surrounding the construct of “parental alienation” and will provide a solution for targeted parents to their nightmare.  

“Foundations”provides a complete and elaborated description for the construct of “parental alienation” from entirely within standard and established psychological principles and constructs to which mental health professionals can be held accountable.

After reading“Foundations,” mental health and legal professionals will no longer be able to say, “I don’t believe in parental alienation” or “parental alienation doesn’t exist.”  It exists. It is not a matter of belief.  And “Foundations”describes what it is.

We begin…

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investigative journalist Anne Stevenson: THANK YOU

anne-stevensonSuffering in silence are moms across the U.S. whose kids have been cut off from them not because they aren’t loving, caring moms, but because family courts regularly participate in acts of indifference or even corruption for financial and/or political gain and possibly a deviant interest in power over victims.

Anne has written articles on particular court issues (see example in link below, and please share it), but she could write a book if we all recovered from our shock and fear spoke up.

 

http://www.commdiginews.com/life/georgia-court-may-have-given-sex-predator-custody-of-child-victims-19453/

You can follow Anne Stevenson on Twitter and Facebook.

For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day

Torn 2 Peaces:

My heart goes out to other mothers who are enduring or have endured or will endure maternal alienation, a cruel form of abuse.

Originally posted on john pavlovitz:

Tear

Today is Mother’s Day.

For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.

But for some it just means tears.

For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.

Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart…

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Parental Alienation on Mother’s & Father’s Day

Torn 2 Peaces:

Thank you, Dr. Les Linet.

Originally posted on leslinetmd:

Impossible Dream

To the alienated parents whom I have had the honor of meeting: You are frequently the more loving, caring parent. It is your goodness that makes you the easy, unwitting target of the supposedly favored parent. You are regularly rejected, vilified, and denigrated by your own children who are, themselves, victims… draftees into a war against you . This is surely a day of great pain. My heart goes out to you.

[I do not own the rights to this song. It’s use here is for educational purposes]

http://youtu.be/B2FoNG76Kvg

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Facebook post asking mothers what they really wanted for Mother’s Day.

Torn 2 Peaces:

Please share this story. It’s important to share your story with those unfamiliar with Maternal Alienation at every opportunity. We must validate this brave mom’s experience by sharing our own, in hopes that her kids will see it’s not her, it’s not them, but it’s Parental Alienation.

Originally posted on PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT- #PAS:

Ronit Levy of Calabasas had just one wish on Mother’s Day this year—to rescue her children from their “kidnapper.”

The Acorn received this message in a response to a Facebook post asking mothers what they really wanted for Mother’s Day.

Where’s the story? 5 Points Mentioned

“I want to rescue my kids from their kidnapper and free them to love anyone they want— free to call me when they want, free to love me, free to celebrate Mother’s Day with me—free to be free,” she wrote.

The comment was alarming and triggered an Acorn investigation into the little understood—and far too often under-diagnosed— form of child abuse called parental alienation, or PA.

Levy is the mother of four sons, three of whom are now adults. Ties to her children have been severed since 2006.

BETTER DAYS—Ronit Levy was a loving mother who once had a strong relationship with her…

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