Moms & Dads Pushed Out of Kids Lives by an Ex Making them think they’re other parent is “Hate-worthy”

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“[Targeted parents of Parental Alienation] all know this much: they all know that they’ve been pushed out of their children’s lives, not by divorce, not by court orders, not by visitation denials or custody revocations or even the termination of their parental rights. They’ve been pushed out by something much more devastating, much more destructive, and much more permanent. Their loss has been orchestrated by someone whose actions – while remaining hidden from the public and immune from prosecution – have permitted them to inflict the most pain possible onto a loving parent by manipulating his children into believing he’s not only unlikable, but despicable, hate-worthy, and to use a word my daughter starting used just weeks after our relationship ended, pathetic.

And yet these parents are none of these things. But you wouldn’t know that by listening to their ex-spouse or even their children talk about them. They have nothing but the worst things to say about them.

And that’s the problem. These targeted parents have done nothing to deserve this kind of rejection except be loving and caring parents.

And ironically, it’s often their passion for their parenting that becomes the reason they’re targeted by a vindictive ex-spouse. Parental alienation is all about one parent causing another parent the most pain possible, and what better way to do this then by making their children hate them?”

Excerpt of Josh Brosnan’s post, “PA Parents” from his blog “No More Secrets and Lies”

From “No More Secrets & Lies” blog by John Brosnan

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“Victims of severe parental alienation experience the same trauma that parents who have lost their children to kidnapping experience. The differences are negligible. Their experience is the same in nearly every way.

And in many ways, for PA parents it’s worse. And I realize this is hard to believe.

But for them, their emptiness encompasses a reach unimaginable to most of us. They cycle through the stages of grief continuously because there’s no closure to their loss.

It’s worse for PA parents because they lack the reassuring comfort of family and friends. There’s no community of caring folk to check in on them or who understand what they’re going through. There’s no comforting hand on their shoulders when they’re crying from looking at photographs of their children. There are no professionals to listen and guide them.

It’s worse for PA parents because they’re often in sight of their children and are forced to watch the twisted and tortuous bending of their children’s minds — something only the most demonic sadist could design. They have no choice but to stand by and watch these little people who were once part of their lives, turn into strangers who no longer recognize them.

It’s worse for PA parents because they have to listen to their children coldly tell them that they no longer want them in their lives — parents who just months before were caring for them, comforting them, reading to them, and living with them. These parents experience a rejection that can literally cause dissociative symptoms so severe that they require hospitalization. Their children turn their backs on them and walk away as if they never knew them. (This is hard to imagine, but it happens. When my daughter told me she never wanted me in her life again, I honestly thought she was joking. But she wasn’t.)

It’s worse for PA Parents because this constellation of pain, known as parental alienation, fits the textbook definition of blaming the victim better than nearly anything else. Alienated parents not only lose their children, family, and friends, but they are usually blamed for causing these losses, as if in some hellish nether-world-way-of-thinking they actually deserve this.”

This is just a part of the post of his blog, No More Secrets & Lies. It really resonates with me, & I’m sure with other targeted parents who are victims of extreme alienation. Our situation is misunderstood and our pain is too much to understand.

Urgent Petition – Please sign and Share! Thank you!!!

DV by ProxyPLEASE SIGN AND SHARE – URGENT!!! CALL TO ACTION!!!

****PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW:

https://www.change.org/petitions/illinois-attorney-registration-and-disciplinary-commission-children-need-both-parents-please-enforce-the-standing-custody-order-and-allow-lisa-nadig-to-parent-her-son-she-has-been-denied-all-contact-with-her-son-for-nearly-six-months

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Though I am the Sole Legal and Residential Custodial Parent, and primary caretaker for all of our son’s life, and there are no findings against me, I have been denied all contact, including email or phone for nearly one half a year.

The court has failed to follow the recommendations of the forensic psychologist to treat what it found to be “Pathological Parental Alienation”, including the treatment plan and holding the alienating parent accountable. Rather than admit this grave error, the court has found it easier to blame me for the consequences of failing to follow the 604.b evaluation recommendations.

We have been accepted to Dr. Warshak/Dr. Randy Rand’s successful “Family Bridges” program twice. Yet the Child Representative in this case, while paying lip-service to wanting to help the relationship with my son and I, has routinely blocked this, as well as other reunification efforts. Because she cannot be cross-examined in court, anything she chooses to say is taken as “truth” by the judge in our case.

The rampant litigation that she continues to feed and encourage has cost tens of thousands of dollars and could easily have paid for this program or others that we also put before the court, those too were blocked. There have been two full custody trials and countless hearings, and there doesn’t appear to be an end in sight to the litigation because my ex-husband has gained leave from the court to file for custody for the 8th time.

When is there going to be an end to this court-sanctioned never-ending litigation, that has spanned one third of our son’s life, taken his college fund, our family home, and stolen the chance for the recommended reunification therapy???

PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION AND SHARE WITH EVERYONE YOU CAN, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. OUR SON DESERVES TO HAVE BOTH PARENTS IN HIS LIFE. HE DESERVES TO KNOW THAT HIS MOTHER LOVES HIM, IS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM AND WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON HIM. HE DESERVES OVERSIGHT AND ACCOUNTABILITY TO THIS WOEFULLY MISMANAGED CASE OF RUNAWAY LITIGATION THAT HAS ONLY SERVED TO HARM THE PARTIES, WHILE ENRICHING A NEVER-ENDING PARADE OF ATTORNEYS AND FAMILY COURT VENDORS!!!

Voices in Unison

enslaveThank you for inviting me to be a part of your blog!!! I look forward to joining with other good, fit and loving parents who are being shut out of their precious children’s lives!!! We will never be silent again!!! :)speak ur truth

The Experts Would Say I am Acting Innappropriately Too

Torn 2 Peaces:

Another target parent/alienated mom whose blog I support. Silence is a lie, & EVERYONE DESERVES THE TRUTH.

Originally posted on MyDivorcePain:

One article advises not to give details of the marriage breakdown, that this is alienating behavior.

After more than 13 years of having my reputation tarnished while everyone thinks he walks on water I say to Hades with that!  I am telling my side. I am not letting my kids think I walked out on him or them, I didn't!

I can see not telling a 6 year old, but my kids are 17, 19, 24 and 26 this year. I am sharing my story for many reasons, and one is so that my adult children can learn things to avoid and things to pay attention to in their future relationships.  After all, it has been his role modeling that they have observed, and I believe that his way is not the way to treat your spouse


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Abuse, Art, Faith, & Tattoos

“I danced on a Friday when the sky turned black
It’s hard to dance with the world on your back
They buried my body and they thought I’d gone
But I am the Dance and I still go on!” — from the song “Lord of the Dance”

I prayed all my children’s lives.  I prayed when I was married.  I prayed between betrayals.

And I lost some faith upon discovering how I had been deceived into a “marriage” with someone who turned out to be a different person from what he had led me to believe.

And just how deceptive and cruel he could be was demonstrated later in a nasty custody battle won with lies and manipulation. My family suffered and is suffering greatly because of this. I prayed for my child, my family, myself. My mom prayed. But like other moms have experienced, my child was not protected by anyone in the legal system.

I can take my own suffering, but the suffering of my child, who didn’t ask to be in the middle of such a destructive dynamic….

My faith suffered. This is not the first time I blogged on this subject. I’ve wrestled with my place in this world that’s caused innocent children so much hurt. THINGS — LIFE — GOD are not always as simple & formulaic as many charismatic Christians proclaim. And it is true: The sun and the rain fall on both the good & evil (as the Bible tells us).

This past weekend, I saw the foreign film “Ida”, a story about a young woman about to take her vows as a nun to continue her life with the nuns who raised her after her Jewish parents were murdered in Nazi Poland. Before the vow ceremony, Ida learns her parents were Jewish, murdered because of evil hatred. Hatred not stopped by Christians.

Ida backs out of her vow ceremony at the last minute.

Ida removes her head garb & entertains the possibility of going on the road with a male friend — a handsome musician who hopes to marry her some day. She enjoys worldly pleasures with him.  Then she covers her hair and returns to the convent. I love how art can make you think. This movie is a work of art.

Ida-cartel-estreno-28-marzo….

I never imagined a world of the evil that has been allowed to destroy me & my family.

What mom does?

But some other alienated moms have seemed to keep their faith so much better than I have.  I am thankful for them.

I received a gift certificate for a tattoo.  So many ideas I’ve been collecting over the past four years, but never willing to pay for or take the time for getting tattooed.  How does one choose?

I thought of the things that express who I am. I considered an uplifting quote.  I considered a tattoo connected to my fav literature.  I considered one related to my hobbies or my work.

I considered a sexy tattoo. I considered a funny tattoo…

In spite of my faith struggles, I’ve narrowed it down — my tattoo will be music notes from a worship song. A worship song familiar to my kids. We sang it at church camp and in church.

In spite of — no — BECAUSE the world has so much pain and evil, all the more reason to walk as a child of the light and help eliminate suffering for oneself and others as much as possible.

My tattoo will be a tangible reminder for me to always to focus on the light. A somewhat permanent work of art.

My goal is to create art out of pain. The courts have taken much from me, but they can’t take away who I am, except for being a mother.

My daughter & I are artists by nature. We have a gift. No one can take away how I tried to support & nuture her artistic talents with day camps or after school programs as well as ever-present art supplies. How delightful was her creativity!

For some reason, she abandoned her interest in art in 6 th grade, even speaking disparagingly about art, until I home schooled her during her 8th grade year & she drew & colored a bumble bee on a flower. Then came the fear/evil that took her from my nest… On her last visit to my home, she ask me to keep drawing materials for her visits. I bought some, but she never returned. It’s been more than two years.art dellinger quote

My daughter has experienced much damage, but her life is not over yet. There is still hope. Much hope.

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Mother and Son Reunited After 17 long years!!

ImageMother and Son Reunited After 17 long years!!.

 

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I Couldn’t Freeze Time, but Parental Alienation Numbed Me

When my then 14 yr old  daughter suddenly —  with no discussion whatsoever — did not return from her dad and his 5th wife, but her presence was replaced with a false accusation and an “emergency” change of custody (with the child support immediately terminated along with a request for money without reimbursing me for the $2,000 camp I had my daughter signed up for) — a camp she would no longer be allowed to attend since her dad had encouraged her to mutilate her earlobes with “gauges” and her role at the camp would have been to mentor a little girl) — I was in shock.

The only thing I knew about Parental Alienation was that my former father-in-law had been successful in putting the blame on my former mother-in-law for not being in her kids’ lives once the oldest, my ex, became 14. To this day, they are abusive towards to this kind, 76 year old woman — her only daughter not speaking to her, but considering her father, who once gave her a black eye, her “friend.” and my ex (who works and lives less than 15 minutes from her and the hospital) treating her with extreme contempt even when she has an ER visit for a fall:  “You can just leave me alone!” My mom, yes, my daughter’s other grandmother, who is also alienated now, had to take care of my former mother-in-law.

I also knew how obsessive, greedy, tenacious and manipulating he would be. He is very intelligent and talented and funny.  Sadly, he uses his “gifts” to deceive, use and hurt much more often than not.  He feels entitled, and everyone else goes along with it.

grinch-mugshot-66012He lies without conscious, and it goes undetected except perhaps a nervous tic in his neck if he feels exposed to any observers.

Back to when my daughter first extremely alienated from me: 

My daughter no longer had contact with my mom, who she had previously enjoyed a loving relationship with. I was afraid, shocked, & I didn’t know what to expect — would I ever see her again? Would she return to me once her dad showed his purpose (child support, tax deduction, the opportunity to hurt me & make it look like the marriage was my fault after all in front of the women he wanted to impress, the chance to have more control over her…)?

I was overwhelmed with confusion, but because I wanted to protect my kids from my worry — including her, especially her (she had been acting out, and I was not sure what all she was capable of, then she had a suicide attempt after moving in with him and the stepmother, who helped with his plans and façade), Frozen-Snowflake-Anna-and-Elsa

I maintained my composure in front of them as best I could. But a zombie was more how I really felt.  (I later came across a Parental Alienation site where a completely alienated father referred to himself as “Dead Man Walking.” I knew exactly what he meant.)

I told myself that it would be like she was gone to boarding school. But no, at boarding school, kids aren’t taught to despise the family they used to love. At boarding school, kids are supervised and kept safe. At boarding school, kids aren’t taught that lying and manipulating is rewarded by the legal system.

Any boarding school that would do otherwise, that would behave as an alienated parent does, would be shut down when exposed. 

I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to not feel. I wanted time to stop, too.  My daughter and I should be able to be together!  She shouldn’t have to grow up without me!  The memories we could have enjoyed creating — stolen.

My daughter needed me & I needed to care for her!

But we were stopped from a God-given relationship

as time marched on.

Time wouldn’t stop. I left family, friends, and my German Shepard for a good job in the city that allowed me to financially care for my kids and myself. I left much furniture with my older boys, already out of high school. I had only a bed and a dresser, but no TV, radio, chair, or Internet when I moved to a new area that provided work. Legal fees and time spent gathering info that never got before the family court judge stole my health and my livelihood.

The pain hasn’t stopped either.  She is 17 now. I still lie awake at night worrying about her.this-wrist-watch-has-876-parts-and-costs-25-million

My ex and the indifferent, incompetent, and corrupt court system prevented me from saving her from what experts have called “the worst form of child abuse” — despite the evidence.  Strong, obvious evidence.  They say Parental Alienation is hard to prove, but the lies were documented. His pattern of questionable and unethical behavior was documented by government records. There were witnesses to his fraud and abuse, but he has a long record of getting away with it. And there was much more, not to mention common sense signs of red flags.

That is my anger talking. Anger is easier than pain.

I avoid some memories. I am re-traumatized by the memory of less than a year ago hearing via an email that my daughter’s nose was mauled by a pit bull, and I was stopped from talking to the doctor (despite court orders and the fact that I am the only parent who covers her health insurance). I heard via my daughter’s friend that my ex treated my daughter hatefully when this happened. But my daughter covers and excuses him to others just as a battered wife.

As much as possible, I focus on the beauty in my life. I don’t think of myself as “Dead man walking” anymore. I am enjoying the love present in my life. I get to enjoy the love of both my daughter’s grandmothers. Sickeningly, my ex has not only alienated my daughter from my mom, but his mother as well. I enjoy the love of other family members and more.

Beauty and love are things I ought to be able to share with my daughter, but I can’t. It’s not just up to me. I’ve done what I can. I do what I know to be possible, given that any move I make meets a punishment that hurts both me and my daughter.

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I don’t expect to hear from my daughter for my birthday this year either. (Dr.Craig Childress and Dr. Linda Kase Gottlieb and other Parental Alienation experts have sound explanations for an alienated child’s cold behavior toward the loving parent.)

I have been blessed with much love. It of course can never replace the love a mother and daughter have, but I have to be at peace the best I can.

There are many players who have their part in severe and ongoing Parental Alienation.

I also feel a responsibility to be grateful for being able to love my Sweetheart, whose love is so …. genuine.

Happy birthday to me?

There’s a missing part, but it’s become numb to a certain extent. For the most part, yes, my birthday will be happy, thanks to those with the courage and willingness to love.  Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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