Businessman Threatens to Arrest Mother of One of his Children — Will Educating the Public Bring Justice or Judgment for Future Victims of Domestic Abuse by Proxy?

(His own mother was told by his dad she could not come home to him and his three other siblings. He has learned how to achieve domestic abuse with lies and intimidation and manipulation. Parental Alienation Abuse gets passed down. This is his latest email and second threat of arrest.)

Once again, there is no requirement for me to provide you with original receipts.  You’re just playing games.
I had the medical receipts available for your and the court’s review at the child support enforcement hearing from which you failed to appear (twice).  Surprise, surprise!!!!   I provided the court and DHR with copies of the receipts.
If it is so important for you to verify the authenticity of [Child’s Name] uncovered medical expenses I will be happy to sit down, in the presence of the enforcement officials, and go over bills with you.  Just let me know the next time you are in town and we can set up a meeting (as soon as someone bails you out of the Lauderdale County Detention Center).
Fortunately, the amount of money you owe is rather nominal and your failure to pay does not affect my life as much as it apparently affects yours in having to pay it.  It is actually in my best interest to just let it be collected by the courts and added to your balance for which you are being charged 12% interest on the outstanding balance. That’s a pretty good return.  Not only that, DHR has the resources to garnish your pay, flag you banking accounts and take any income tax returns you might be due.  In the end, I’ll eventually get it.
So, why don’t you just continue on being a Deadbeat…..just remember, as long as you owe me money, you’ve got no leverage.
Another reminder,  [Child’s Name] plans to start college in about 8 months.  You’re on the hook for 1/2 that expense, too.  Better start saving up.  I’m anticipating your part to be about $8,000 – $10,000 per year.  This includes tuition, room and board, fees and books.  It’s all right there in the court order.  Hopefully we won’t have to chase you around for that, too.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

What he does not mention is that mother is paying child support and covering child with health insurance.  What he does not mention is daughter has been in hospital numerous times since she’s been in his household with he and his 5th wife.  alienating parents tacticsWhat he does not mention is the court has ordered him to inform the mother (who shares custody) and involve her in healthcare decisions.  DHR just informed the mother THERE IS NO WARRANT FOR HER ARREST — THIS EMAIL IS FULL OF THREATS AND DOES NOT CORRESPOND TO THEIR POLICIES AND PROCEDURES.

But this only illustrates one of his violated orders and laws.  This only illustrates a small fraction of the abuses he has committed and gotten away with.  Businessmen can, and so some will.

domestic terrorismPlease pray for me and my daughter and our family.  And pray for her father.  fred helpers

It all becomes crystal clear…the “pot of gold” at the end of the rainbow

Originally posted on AMother'sHeartSongsUnsilenced:

Now that my father’s Trust has been released to his children upon his death, it is made abundantly clear, what I have known all along – that my ex-husband’s rabid pursuit of custody (repeated legal filings and legal abuse), was to obtain this “pot of gold” at the end of the rainbow, my inheritance.

How sad that my ex exploited the fact that my father had Parkinson’s disease.  How sad that my ex had to so misuse our child to achieve this wealth.

My prayer is that my son will know his intrinsic value and worth as the wonderful human being that he is. That he will know that he is far too precious to feel debased or devalued from being so basely used by a group of greedy people.

The time-line of it all is perfectly clear, and very well documented through DCFS, court ordered forensic psychologist, doctor, and…

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Imagine: a child you know loses a parent through illness, accident or military conflict. What would you expect to see?

Torn 2 Peaces:

Please share. And thank you for all who serve.

Originally posted on expoƒunction:

[This is the second post in a series. Consider starting with the first.]

Imagine: a child you know loses a parent through illness, accident or military conflict. What would you expect to see? You might expect to see an overwhelming sense of loss, of grief. You might expect family and friends and others to rally round with emotional, practical and other forms of support. You might expect the grieving process to go on for some time. You might expect to see a grief-stricken parent struggling at times to muster the energy to be strong for that child, yet always instinctively driven to put the child’s needs first.

You might in time, expect to see signs of a return to some new form of normality. You might dare to expect; to believe, that this child will grow into a well adjusted, contented and responsible adult and parent.

You’d not I…

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Heal Others, Heal Yourself (Parental Alienation Hurts)

True stories are used in fiction plots or song lyrics. Fictional books become movies. Beginning as teens, we are influenced and moved by words, art and characters we relate to.

Young adult authors want to empower their young readers. Young adult authors tap into issues youth have to struggle with.  Rejection, betrayal and even incest, for example.  Literature teachers and librarians know how important this is to teen development.

We also know how powerful stories are.  The fiction novel “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” was credited by Abe Lincoln for starting the Civil War.

Stories bring change.  Sharing stories heals.  Sharing your Parental Alienation abuse story anonymously or openly with a young adult fiction writer can provide him or her with a new, unexplored issue in young adult fiction.  English teacher create lesson plans around young adult fiction.

Share your blog or someone else’s blog and story with young adult writers.  Or just share some professional literature about #ParentalAlienation and teens here on this blog.  tell-your-story

Here are two links that can enable you to contact individual authors:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_young_adult_writers

http://www.massillonlibrary.org/node/449

 

 

 

 

Teachers, college professors, pastors, ministers, doctors, counselors, coaches and many others can begin to help youth in an area that is desperately needed.

Parents who are on a mission to destroy a bond between a child and the other parent …  tell others they are “protecting” their child and make the child feel like the other parent is unworthy of a relationship with their child. Something no child should have to hear, for that parent is part of who they are.

for Wendy

Parents who are on the receiving end of the alienation are often helpless. There is little they can do by themselves. They stand helpless, as they watch the relational death between themselves and their children. They watch their children construct a wall between them as a result of the brainwashing. The parents witness the joy being drained out of their children’s lives, as they are asked to spy, lie, and even partake in the intense denigration. They watch their children sabotage their time with them in order to remain abnormally loyal to the alienating parent (and family).

Alienated parents cannot help their own children

because they are portrayed as the enemy.

The courts fail them, too.

Family courts embrace adversarial situations and often empower the alienating parent. Alienating parents have passed the course in manipulation and are very convincing. As a result, the courts lack of education, empathy, knowledge of children development or need for power further hurts the child.

One gal who visited the fair shared with me that she worked at a woman’s prison. Her job was to help ensure that female prisoners remain connected to their children. How contrary is that to the family law system who continually promotes children to be ripped from the lives of loving parents who have committed no crime?

Those who truly care about the emotional development of children need to help us empower our children with good information that could help protect them from alienating behavior. Parental Alienation Education programs could begin to heal relationships and help prevent children from being emotional abusers themselves.

Presenting age appropriate information about parental alienation to all age groups, including college students, could empower peers to help peers. Children talk to each other and often want to help, but if they are unaware of the mind games that often take place in divorce and custody cases, they may be doing more harm than good by condoning unhealthy behavior and attitudes.

The damage caused by the breakup of families is not going away, especially if we continually turn our backs on the abuse. Research shows that 20-25% of children in divorce situations are alienated from a parent. The impact lasts a life time. That was evident as I spoke to adults, in Albion, PA, who were alienated from their children.

Teachers, college professors, pastors, ministers, doctors, counselors, coaches and many others can begin to help children in an area that is desperately needed. Right relationships are what life is all about! Parental alienation is real, parental alienation is child abuse! — Cindy Corsi

quote-the-philosophers-are-wrong-it-is-not-words-that-kill-it-is-silence-elie-wiesel-320865

Caught Between Parents/ Supporting children through the challenges of divorce-by Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D

Originally posted on Protective Mothers' Alliance International:

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Mindfulness as a Tool

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/caught-between-parents/201212/mindfulness-tool

Disclaimer:
As PMA International has posted before, we prefer the term DV by Proxy to explain the manipulations an abuser parent uses to teach the child to reject the protective parent. We prefer this term because;

1. It more accurately depicts the actions taken by the abuser parent towards the child
2. There has been a lot of misinformation about parental alienation circulating the internet and beyond.
3. The term parental alienation and /or parental alienation syndrome has been use as a legal defense for abusive dads in family court. Most often this term has been used by the attorneys of dads who sexual abuse their children. This defense is used – most often- by attorneys in family court for the purpose of deflecting blame from the criminal actions of their client onto the protective mother.
4 The result of the above has frequently been…

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Assessment of Parental Capacity

Torn 2 Peaces:

Everything. EVERYTHING Dr. Rosemary Snodgrass did in my situation goes against what experts have to say about parenting and signs of Parental Alienation.

Originally posted on Dr Craig Childress: Attachment-Based "Parental Alienation":

The central parenting quality that differentiates healthy from unhealthy parenting practices is the capacity for parental empathy.

Structured and firm parenting that is enacted with parental empathy for the child will be sensitive to both the child’s developmental need for structure and parental guidance, and for the child’s emerging individuation and self-expression (consistent with the child’s developmental period, i.e., infancy, early childhood, middle childhood, early adolescence, later adolescence).

Similarly, a parenting style that is more flexible and permissive which is enacted with parental empathy for the child will balance both the child’s need for autonomy and self-expression with the child’s developmental needs for limits and parental direction (consistent with the child’s developmental period).

The central parenting issue is not whether parents are structured and firm or flexible and permissive. The central defining feature of healthy parenting is the capacity for parental empathy.

Since the absence of parental empathy

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PTSD Mothers Entrenched in Custody Battles

Torn 2 Peaces:

Imagine having an abusive person threaten to take your child away from you, and therefore, take your child away from the mother he/she needs — what would you do? You’d try to protect your child via the court system, expecting them to care about facts and evidence, and most of all, a child’s right to be in a healthy, peaceful situation and not exploited as a weapon of abuse. You’d expect the court, the system, to care about truth, but not only will they refuse to help you protect your child and yourself, you are punished for doing so — for not going along with the abuser’s manipulation of the system to cause you financial and emotional stress, to psychologically control you, to take over your life and schedule and to humiliate you.

Originally posted on Coalition Against Legal Abuse in New York:

The perversion of American family values just took on a new twist. The federal government is aware of the crisis in Family Courts across America. Thousands of mothers are losing custody of their children, to their abusers. Hundreds of thousands of people have written to their senators asking for senate oversight hearing on the failure of family court to protect children. Instead of the federal government protecting our family values with our tax dollars, we are now spawning a new generation of PTSD sufferers due to legal Abuse Syndrome, injuries sustained from chronic siege of a custody battle.

LEGAL ABUSE SYNDROME (LAS) is a form of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  It is a psychic injury, not a mental illness.  It is a personal injury that develops in individuals assaulted by ethical violations, legal abuses, betrayals, and fraud. Abuse of power and authority and a profound lack of accountability in our courts…

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Reunification after Parental Alienation

I have tried to imagine a scene where my now almost 18 year old daughter & I see each other, whether by accident, or whatever. Many times I have replayed it in my mind, working to prepare for a possible miracle.

Until last night, I could only see myself crying, crying, crying, & her cold toward me — not because she and I are cold, indifferent people (though since her dad became obsessed with destroying the mother-child relationship, she has expressed violence toward me; however, I know how caring my daughter was toward her whole family prior to our Parental Alienation nightmare), but because of the depth of pain we have been forced to associate with each other. A pain one could only want to forget because to the abused, it seems humanly impossible to overcome.

Experts on Parental Alienation, or Parentectomies, say it is rare to reunify after extreme Parental Alienation.  After all, indoctrination affects many of the most intelligent people for a lifetime.

I can’t help but think this would be different if kids were educated about this form of abuse. Dr. Amy J. Baker says that telling an alienated kid they have been brainwashed does not work BECAUSE the victim of brainwashing is too brainwashed to believe it– otherwise, he or she would not be alienated in the first place if he or she was not brainwashed. This makes sense: I can remember others telling me my husband was not treating me right — that he was this & that, but I denied it verbally and mentally — I did not accept this truth.

Not right away,

but little by little,

with the information,

the education,

the name for what I was experiencing,

no matter how hard I worked to pretend I had a different reality,

gave me freedom.

The truth I was so afraid of, set me free.

It was a painful relief, but it led to healing, in a way the denial never could have.

Thank goodness others were courageous and caring enough to tell me what I did not want to hear!

education freedom

But back to my daughter:

Last nite I had a dream.

I dreamt my daughter somehow had learned about Parental Alienation & had come to realize that was what she had experienced. She came to me (in my dream) wanting to reunite. She smiled at me! She said it would be a long journey. I nodded in agreement — it was wonderful she would be committed to our mother and child reunion!

They say freedom starts with education.  They say impossible things are accomplished because of dreams.