The Experts Would Say I am Acting Innappropriately Too

Torn 2 Peaces:

Another target parent/alienated mom whose blog I support. Silence is a lie, & EVERYONE DESERVES THE TRUTH.

Originally posted on MyDivorcePain:

One article advises not to give details of the marriage breakdown, that this is alienating behavior.

After more than 13 years of having my reputation tarnished while everyone thinks he walks on water I say to Hades with that!  I am telling my side. I am not letting my kids think I walked out on him or them, I didn't!

I can see not telling a 6 year old, but my kids are 17, 19, 24 and 26 this year. I am sharing my story for many reasons, and one is so that my adult children can learn things to avoid and things to pay attention to in their future relationships.  After all, it has been his role modeling that they have observed, and I believe that his way is not the way to treat your spouse


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Abuse, Art, Faith, & Tattoos

“I danced on a Friday when the sky turned black
It’s hard to dance with the world on your back
They buried my body and they thought I’d gone
But I am the Dance and I still go on!” — from the song “Lord of the Dance”

I prayed all my children’s lives.  I prayed when I was married.  I prayed between betrayals.

And I lost some faith upon discovering how I had been deceived into a “marriage” with someone who turned out to be a different person from what he had led me to believe.

And just how deceptive and cruel he could be was demonstrated later in a nasty custody battle won with lies and manipulation. My family suffered and is suffering greatly because of this. I prayed for my child, my family, myself. My mom prayed. But like other moms have experienced, my child was not protected by anyone in the legal system.

I can take my own suffering, but the suffering of my child, who didn’t ask to be in the middle of such a destructive dynamic….

My faith suffered. This is not the first time I blogged on this subject. I’ve wrestled with my place in this world that’s caused innocent children so much hurt. THINGS — LIFE — GOD are not always as simple & formulaic as many charismatic Christians proclaim. And it is true: The sun and the rain fall on both the good & evil (as the Bible tells us).

This past weekend, I saw the foreign film “Ida”, a story about a young woman about to take her vows as a nun to continue her life with the nuns who raised her after her Jewish parents were murdered in Nazi Poland. Before the vow ceremony, Ida learns her parents were Jewish, murdered because of evil hatred. Hatred not stopped by Christians.

Ida backs out of her vow ceremony at the last minute.

Ida removes her head garb & entertains the possibility of going on the road with a male friend — a handsome musician who hopes to marry her some day. She enjoys worldly pleasures with him.  Then she covers her hair and returns to the convent. I love how art can make you think. This movie is a work of art.

Ida-cartel-estreno-28-marzo….

I never imagined a world of the evil that has been allowed to destroy me & my family.

What mom does?

But some other alienated moms have seemed to keep their faith so much better than I have.  I am thankful for them.

I received a gift certificate for a tattoo.  So many ideas I’ve been collecting over the past four years, but never willing to pay for or take the time for getting tattooed.  How does one choose?

I thought of the things that express who I am. I considered an uplifting quote.  I considered a tattoo connected to my fav literature.  I considered one related to my hobbies or my work.

I considered a sexy tattoo. I considered a funny tattoo…

In spite of my faith struggles, I’ve narrowed it down — my tattoo will be music notes from a worship song. A worship song familiar to my kids. We sang it at church camp and in church.

In spite of — no — BECAUSE the world has so much pain and evil, all the more reason to walk as a child of the light and help eliminate suffering for oneself and others as much as possible.

My tattoo will be a tangible reminder for me to always to focus on the light. A somewhat permanent work of art.

My goal is to create art out of pain. The courts have taken much from me, but they can’t take away who I am, except for being a mother.

My daughter & I are artists by nature. We have a gift. No one can take away how I tried to support & nuture her artistic talents with day camps or after school programs as well as ever-present art supplies. How delightful was her creativity!

For some reason, she abandoned her interest in art in 6 th grade, even speaking disparagingly about art, until I home schooled her during her 8th grade year & she drew & colored a bumble bee on a flower. Then came the fear/evil that took her from my nest… On her last visit to my home, she ask me to keep drawing materials for her visits. I bought some, but she never returned. It’s been more than two years.art dellinger quote

My daughter has experienced much damage, but her life is not over yet. There is still hope. Much hope.

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Mother and Son Reunited After 17 long years!!

ImageMother and Son Reunited After 17 long years!!.

 

moms

I Couldn’t Freeze Time, but Parental Alienation Numbed Me

When my then 14 yr old  daughter suddenly —  with no discussion whatsoever — did not return from her dad and his 5th wife, but her presence was replaced with a false accusation and an “emergency” change of custody (with the child support immediately terminated along with a request for money without reimbursing me for the $2,000 camp I had my daughter signed up for) — a camp she would no longer be allowed to attend since her dad had encouraged her to mutilate her earlobes with “gauges” and her role at the camp would have been to mentor a little girl) — I was in shock.

The only thing I knew about Parental Alienation was that my former father-in-law had been successful in putting the blame on my former mother-in-law for not being in her kids’ lives once the oldest, my ex, became 14. To this day, they are abusive towards to this kind, 76 year old woman – her only daughter not speaking to her, but considering her father, who once gave her a black eye, her “friend.” and my ex (who works and lives less than 15 minutes from her and the hospital) treating her with extreme contempt even when she has an ER visit for a fall:  “You can just leave me alone!” My mom, yes, my daughter’s other grandmother, who is also alienated now, had to take care of my former mother-in-law.

I also knew how obsessive, greedy, tenacious and manipulating he would be. He is very intelligent and talented and funny.  Sadly, he uses his “gifts” to deceive, use and hurt much more often than not.  He feels entitled, and everyone else goes along with it.

grinch-mugshot-66012He lies without conscious, and it goes undetected except perhaps a nervous tic in his neck if he feels exposed to any observers.

Back to when my daughter first extremely alienated from me: 

My daughter no longer had contact with my mom, who she had previously enjoyed a loving relationship with. I was afraid, shocked, & I didn’t know what to expect — would I ever see her again? Would she return to me once her dad showed his purpose (child support, tax deduction, the opportunity to hurt me & make it look like the marriage was my fault after all in front of the women he wanted to impress, the chance to have more control over her…)?

I was overwhelmed with confusion, but because I wanted to protect my kids from my worry — including her, especially her (she had been acting out, and I was not sure what all she was capable of, then she had a suicide attempt after moving in with him and the stepmother, who helped with his plans and façade), Frozen-Snowflake-Anna-and-Elsa

I maintained my composure in front of them as best I could. But a zombie was more how I really felt.  (I later came across a Parental Alienation site where a completely alienated father referred to himself as “Dead Man Walking.” I knew exactly what he meant.)

I told myself that it would be like she was gone to boarding school. But no, at boarding school, kids aren’t taught to despise the family they used to love. At boarding school, kids are supervised and kept safe. At boarding school, kids aren’t taught that lying and manipulating is rewarded by the legal system.

Any boarding school that would do otherwise, that would behave as an alienated parent does, would be shut down when exposed. 

I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to not feel. I wanted time to stop, too.  My daughter and I should be able to be together!  She shouldn’t have to grow up without me!  The memories we could have enjoyed creating — stolen.

My daughter needed me & I needed to care for her!

But we were stopped from a God-given relationship

as time marched on.

Time wouldn’t stop. I left family, friends, and my German Shepard for a good job in the city that allowed me to financially care for my kids and myself. I left much furniture with my older boys, already out of high school. I had only a bed and a dresser, but no TV, radio, chair, or Internet when I moved to a new area that provided work. Legal fees and time spent gathering info that never got before the family court judge stole my health and my livelihood.

The pain hasn’t stopped either.  She is 17 now. I still lie awake at night worrying about her.this-wrist-watch-has-876-parts-and-costs-25-million

My ex and the indifferent, incompetent, and corrupt court system prevented me from saving her from what experts have called “the worst form of child abuse” — despite the evidence.  Strong, obvious evidence.  They say Parental Alienation is hard to prove, but the lies were documented. His pattern of questionable and unethical behavior was documented by government records. There were witnesses to his fraud and abuse, but he has a long record of getting away with it. And there was much more, not to mention common sense signs of red flags.

That is my anger talking. Anger is easier than pain.

I avoid some memories. I am re-traumatized by the memory of less than a year ago hearing via an email that my daughter’s nose was mauled by a pit bull, and I was stopped from talking to the doctor (despite court orders and the fact that I am the only parent who covers her health insurance). I heard via my daughter’s friend that my ex treated my daughter hatefully when this happened. But my daughter covers and excuses him to others just as a battered wife.

As much as possible, I focus on the beauty in my life. I don’t think of myself as “Dead man walking” anymore. I am enjoying the love present in my life. I get to enjoy the love of both my daughter’s grandmothers. Sickeningly, my ex has not only alienated my daughter from my mom, but his mother as well. I enjoy the love of other family members and more.

Beauty and love are things I ought to be able to share with my daughter, but I can’t. It’s not just up to me. I’ve done what I can. I do what I know to be possible, given that any move I make meets a punishment that hurts both me and my daughter.

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I don’t expect to hear from my daughter for my birthday this year either. (Dr.Craig Childress and Dr. Linda Kase Gottlieb and other Parental Alienation experts have sound explanations for an alienated child’s cold behavior toward the loving parent.)

I have been blessed with much love. It of course can never replace the love a mother and daughter have, but I have to be at peace the best I can.

There are many players who have their part in severe and ongoing Parental Alienation.

I also feel a responsibility to be grateful for being able to love my Sweetheart, whose love is so …. genuine.

Happy birthday to me?

There’s a missing part, but it’s become numb to a certain extent. For the most part, yes, my birthday will be happy, thanks to those with the courage and willingness to love.  Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ATTENTION Authors, Psychologists, Parental Alienation‬ Syndrome experts:

Some moms & dads have no contact with our kids because of the psychological pain/punishment & rewards they receive & that results under the control of the alienating parent. Therefore, our kids desperately need materials to be made available to school libraries, online, etc. ednext_20131_EN_stillman_img01Even in the form of a brochure, novel, or play — youth deserve to understand they are not alone or crazy. It would be ludicrous to ignore sexual abuse –

the elephant in the room elephant– why is Parental Alienation abuse not taught to youth? It is as if this form of abuse is being condoned. The sociopath already manipulates and controls information and every reality to their child. Is it healthy to just go alone with the abuser’s orchestrations & sick games requiring denial even for those who do have some contact with their kids? Even if that’s the better choice, then all the more reason we depend on intervention from experts via age-appropriate educational materials. The community is a must in many situations where a youth is living a risky lifestyle the system ignores. Some of our kids are suicidal in their confusion. Education would give them a sense of power (just the power to name & express the hurt in a diary or to a trusted friend or adult!) & hope when their relationship with their loving parent and all family members has been severed completely.

“My father was viewed as ‘the hero’ by his family, neighbors, friends, etc. After all, HE was the parent who stuck around. I am disappointed (to put it lightly) in the adults who did not question this at the time and did not step in to intervene. The alienating parent often convinces and intimidates the adults in his life into believing he is doing the right thing,” says author of musingsimplicity blog, an adult child of Parental Alienation who is in the process of writing her memoir.

Another formerly alienated daughter writes on One Mom’s Battle Facebook wall:  “My father was verbally and emotionally abusive to my mother, and did everything possible to alienate my siblings and myself against her. It worked. Even though my father abused my siblings and me, and terrorized the whole family, I was utterly brainwashed to think that my mother was the problem. I spent twenty years estranged from her.” [...] “Let them know that their other parent is distorting things. Protecting them from this information isn’t protecting them, it’s setting them up.”

Sometimes the only person to let abused youth understand their pain and confusion is for someone other than the target parent to educate them on healthy relationships and how Parental Alienation may be the cause of many young people’s pain. Some young people are stepping up by creating youtube videos about their Parental Alienation experience for other youth. It’s time for professionals to support youth when parents are completely stopped and no avenues exist — YES, MANY TIMES NO AGENCY OR JUDGE WILL DO THEIR JOB NO MATTER WHAT DOCUMENTATION WE DO OR ADVICE WE FOLLOW FROM YOU EXPERTS. Thank you for all you already to do help those suffering from Parental Alienation.  Please help educate youth about EXTREME/SEVERE alienation.

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http://Torn2Peaces.com

Parental Alienation

Torn 2 Peaces:

Another mom shares how her daughters were cruelly used as a weapon

to psychologically abuse her. speak ur truth

Is anyone listening? Does anyone care?

justice

 

 

 

 

 

 

Originally posted on A Victims Journal:

Parental Alienation is the act of a parent/person coaching and/or convincing their child/children to separate from the other parent by brainwashing them into thinking poorly of the alienated parent often to the point of the child refusing to have anything to do with that parent. The kids will actually come to believe whatever they are told about the alienated parent but sometimes they are so well “coached” that the children actually believe they made that decision themselves.

This form of emotional abuse is extremely destructive to children – that’s right, emotional abuse. The actions of the alienating parent is very selfish and eliminates the children best interest always. Most alienators continue for years but in their own minds they are innocent and one thing does not change and that is the fact that they are emotionally abusing their own children and make the children believe that the alienated parent…

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Birthday Reflections

Torn 2 Peaces:

Please share this mom’s message to her “missing”, but much-cherished son who once got to enjoy her love. Life is for celebrating the best we can, not for hating and hurting. We’ve been created to love.

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abuse heal

Originally posted on AMother'sHeartSongsUnsilenced:

I had a good birthday this year.   Even without hearing from the most important person in the world to me – my son, I managed to have a “good” birthday.  It held simple, quiet pleasures, yet mixed with profound grief and loss. The meaning of “good” has evolved, to be sure.  When I was a child, I thought a good birthday was loads of fun, presents, and of course FIREWORKS!  Born (almost) on the Fourth of July… the perfect way to celebrate! As a very involved, stay-at-home Mom, my idea of the perfect birthday was to spend it with my son and ex-husband, talk on the phone to lots of friends and family, but mostly do something together as a little nuclear family.  Of course, the centerpiece was something so simple but priceless – a hand-made treasure from my sweet young son, catching fireflies after seeing the fireworks, and…

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Dv By Proxy From A Kid’s View.

Torn 2 Peaces:

Thank you for being brave & helpful enough to share this awful truth. I pray for other young people to see this and be freed from Parental Alienation.

Originally posted on Protective Mothers' Alliance International:

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A Must See!
This wonderful articulate young lady explains in detail some of the manipulations used by her Dad and his second wife to keep her from her mom after her parents’ divorce. She also explains how this made her feel and how she was able to realize the manipulations and lies, admitting some children ” buy into the lies”. She also gives great advice stating ” a REAL parent would make sure the kids would keep in contact with the parent”
A must see for all parents and professionals involved in family court. Also for the child victims of DV by Proxy who sadly, bought into the lies.

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