How should we approach emotional abuse as a criminal offence?

Torn 2 Peaces:

Excellent blog. My ex was physically abusive at times, but I believe he used psychological violence to avoid the court embarrassment he once faced after putting the wife of his second daughter in the hospital — Yes, he actually talked his way out of this on the stand even though witnesses saw her “bloody & blue” I later found out. I agree that seeking support & help would be more effective than mandating punishment. Parental Alienation is emotional abuse and neglect against the child, the targeted parent, and the entire family.

Originally posted on Avalanche of the soul:

The UK government is to consider making psychological abuse a crime in England and Wales. It is a welcome step forward, but to avoid discouraging women in abusive relationships from seeking help , any legislation and consequent sanctions must be carefully shaped.

The announcement comes following a campaign by domestic violence groups and charities – a much-needed attempt to secure recognition of  the huge damage caused by emotional violence. Treating patterns of ‘coercive control’ as a criminal offence would help change attitudes that abuse isn’t abuse unless we have a black eye to prove it.

Emotional violence is destructive but often little understood

Photo by Håkan Dahlström

Photo by Håkan Dahlström

Every survivor of domestic abuse has experienced coercive control. This can include being isolated from friends and family, being forbidden from leaving the house, or enduring interrogations every time you want to make a phonecall. It is often (incorrectly) seen as an

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Control Games with Words

Torn 2 Peaces:

Share on young people’s Facebook sites, etc. For youth suffering from Parental Alienation.

Originally posted on From Torn 2 Pieces to Peace :

If you fear having feelings independent of and in opposition to one of your parents and becoming a target of rejection you’ve seen him or her direct at others who disagree, you’re likely being manipulated.

You (or a friend) may have a parent who is so controlling and possessive, he or she will want to cut those you love (or once loved) out of your life.  This hurts. It hurts because, among other things, it’s not loving.  It’s called Parental Alienation, and some experts call it “the worst form of child abuse.”  imagesCAZ5BLXM

Tragically, some parents will use the following to cut your other parent out of your life:

  • guilt (e.g., “I don’t know why your father left us; everything seemed okay”);

  • intimidation (e.g., “Go to your mother’s if you want, but you are not to hug her cute little boyfriend anymore. Do you understand?”);

  • fear (e.g., “I just want you kids to know that I’11 be here the whole time…

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Crazy? Some Parents May Make You Feel Like It!

Torn 2 Peaces:

Share on high school Facebook sites, friends of youth suffering Parental Alienation, etc.

Originally posted on From Torn 2 Pieces to Peace :

Crazy-making words:

“You don’t have to see her. You’re old enough to decide, & if she complains to the court, all you’ll have to do is speak up, & the court will let you stay with me full-time, anyway. You’re old enough, & you don’t want to be with her. So we can take this to court, & you can just tell them that you never want to see her again. Tell them the truth. I’ll stand up for you.” (from H.G. Beverly’s memoir, The Other Side of Charm: Your Memoir)

If you have ever experienced this kind of pressure & insensitivity from a parent — you must be very tough by now.

It’s a parent’s job to show respect & value for your other parent because you were born with the right to love both parents & ALL family members. Period.

It’s your parents’ job to HELP you enjoy…

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Parental Alienation Resources: An Extensive List.

Originally posted on Parental Alienation Support:

Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) Task Force on Parenting Coordination. (2006). Guidelines for parenting coordination. Family Court Review , 44 , 164–181.

Austin, Jr., R. B. (2006). PAS as a child against self. In R. A. Gardner, S. R. Sauber, & D. Lorandos (Eds.), The international handbook of parental alienation syndrome,conceptual, clinical and legal considerations (pp. 56–64). Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.

Baker, A. J. L. (2005). The long-term effects of parental alienation on adult children: A qualitative research study. American Journal of Family Therapy, 33(4), 289–302.

Baker, A. J. L. (2005). The cult of parenthood: A qualitative study of parental alienation. Cultic Studies Review, 4(1),

Baker, A. J. L. (2005). Parent alienation strategies: A qualitative study of adults who experienced parental alienation as a child. American Journal of ForensicPsychology, 23(4), 41–63.

Baker, A. J. L. (2006). The power of…

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Adult Child of Alienation Says to Protect Kids by Educating Them On Alienation

education freedomReader of “One Mom’s Battle” blog posted:
“I can’t post this publicly, but it’s something that comes up repeatedly on the board, and I want to offer some hope for parents whose children have been alienated and brainwashed. I am a woman in my late thirties who is going through things that are typical of the other mothers on this board. However, as a child, I lived the other side of it. My father was verbally and emotionally abu…sive to my mother, and did everything possible to alienate my siblings and myself against her. It worked. Even though my father abused my siblings and me, and terrorized the whole family, I was utterly brainwashed to think that my mother was the problem. I spent twenty years estranged from her. In therapy, my therapist was the one who put the first seeds of doubt into my head by saying, “Your father abused you, so why do you have so much more anger towards your mother?” I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know, but I knew it didn’t make any sense.
As my relationship with my abusive ex progressed, I began to hear my mother’s voice coming from me. When my child’s father would distort things, accuse, belittle, browbeat– I heard her words come from my lips, pleading, explaining, trying to protect my child. That’s when I knew. I called my mother and told her what was happening in my relationship. And then I told her what I was suddenly able to see– that the rage, contempt, and hostility I had towards her had all been created by my father’s manipulation. I apologized to her and asked for her forgiveness (which she gave, of course, it’s always been about unconditional love from her– always, always). Over the last few years, we have been rebuilding our relationship and healing the hurts.
I know that my mother suffered terribly. She did everything she could and made so many sacrifices to protect her children, only to have her children turn on her. I know she felt very alone and very beaten down. As for me, I love my father, but I know who and what he is, and I know how severely limited he is in his emotional range. I no longer allow him to disparage my mother in any way in my presence, and he doesn’t seem to know how to handle that. He walks carefully. I still have anger, but it’s appropriately directed now. I am angry with him. He was an abuser, so I could never trust him, even as I looked up to him as my hero. But he took my mother away from me, all of his distortions making it impossible for me to accept her love and to confide in her when I desperately needed to in my young stages of development. He made me complicit in his abuse of her. He effectively took BOTH of my parents away, and up until a few years ago, I was replicating this relationship by marrying an abuser of my own.
Reaching this understanding is what made me leave. Protecting my child from a lifetime of this pain is my number one goal. If you are still with your abuser, break the cycle. If you are apart, then do not gaslight your child and assist in their alienation.
“Let them know that their other parent is distorting things. Protecting them from this information isn’t protecting them, it’s setting them up.”
I lost twenty years with my mother, but the truth won out in the end and I love her with a ferocity that I don’t think ever would have come about otherwise. My mother is my heroine and I know her story and she knows mine and no one will ever be able to take our truths away, ever again.”
Likewise, formerly alienated teen, Heather Kent, said that she saw Dr. Richard Warshak’s video Welcome Back, Pluto about parental alienation and why a parent alienates. The video also supports kids who are victims in alienation by affirming their rights and offering suggestions on how to handle this difficult and painful situation.
If we as a society believe it’s in the best interest to protect a child by educating even preschool-age kids about sexual abuse and physical abuse, then it stands to reason that it is our responsibility as a society to inform kids about what has been called “the worst form of child abuse” by experts.
Adult children of alienation have said that the alienating parent often abuses their child in other ways besides Parental Alienation, according to Dr. Amy J. Baker’s research.
Alienated kids desperately need to be able to at least recognize that it’s not them who is crazy, but the situation they’ve been forced into by an unhealthy and hateful parent.  Alienated kids need to be able to have the validation as well as the words to articulate and ask for help.  How kids be clear that what is happening to them is what may be causing their confusion, pain, and extreme depression and even anger if they are not educated about Parental Alienation?  Isn’t it their right to be educated?homepage
No matter how educated judges and others involved in family court become when it comes to Parental Alienation, some individuals still won’t do the right thing, and even if they do alienators will still succeed somewhat in their manipulation of the system and kids. No matter what, it is in the best interest of any victim to have the power to put a name to what is happening to them and helping them realize it’s not that something is wrong with them.
Let’s all get involved in developing and/or distributing education for kids suffering from Parental Alienation. Let’s help them get the help and understanding they deserve. Let’s empower these victims of “the worst form of child abuse.” Education can be achieved without attacking or accusing the alienating parent, but just speaking in terms of their rights and the existence Parental Alienation in general.
edu free
We need writers for the teen parental alienation site http://Torn2Peaces.com

5 things everyone should know about domestic abuse

Torn 2 Peaces:

I recommend reading & sharing this info.

Originally posted on Avalanche of the soul:

This International Women’s Day, millions of women will continue to suffer domestic abuse in silence. Let’s tackle the stigma that prevents women from speaking out. Let’s challenge some of the biggest (and most unhelpful) myths – starting with these fateful five.

The world is talking about celebrating and empowering women. However, as the global epidemic of domestic abuse continues to devastate lives, millions of women will carry on suffering in silence. Many feel unable to reach out, fearing they will be blamed or misunderstood. As part of the fight-back against abuse, we must banish the misconceptions that fuel suffocating stigma.

MYTH #1 Only vulnerable women experience domestic violence.

TRUTH #1
It’s true that vulnerable women are at increased risk. According to the World Health Organisation, women who have witnessed domestic violence as children are more likely to be abused themselves in later life. Women who have experienced domestic abuse …

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Going underground: into the world of the alienated child

Torn 2 Peaces:

“Alienated children do very very well at school, in fact one of the things that their aligned parent will say to you and the world is how well their child is doing at school.  Immense pride in school achievements is a key feature in alienation cases, it is as if the child takes flight into doing well at school to cover the shame of what they have done in rejecting you.  Some very key research evidence points to this, Warshak, Baker and Bala have all written about the alienated child who does exceptionally well at school.  My own practice suggests to me that this is without doubt one of the major features when alienation reactions begin,” says this author.

Heather Kent, whose father alienated her from her mother, said she excelled in high school while suffering from Parental Alienation.

Originally posted on Karen Woodall:

First real day of sunshine and I am thinking about the way in which we survive cycle after cycle, the downward spiral into winter and the way in the myth of persephone in the underworld plays itself out in our lives over and over and over again.  Born as we are, in a cylical world, none of us can avoid the reality of life, death and separation from our loved ones.  Demeter lamented as  her daughter Persephone was taken from her by Hades,the god of the underworld, in a story of abduction, reconciliation and regeneration.  In the Persephone myth, there is the foretelling of spring, renewal and reunification.  For the alienated child and family, none of this normal and natural renewal is allowed to occur and so the world becomes frozen in time as the child disappears, deep into the underworld, where the family they have rejected cannot follow.  As…

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What Is My Daughter Giving Up For Lent? Her Mother.

What Is My Daughter Giving Up For Lent? Her Mother..

If you’re not experiencing Parental Alienation, please consider standing up against this abuse. The victims do not have a voice in court; meanwhile, our once-innocent children, who deserve a healthy life, are living with abusive parents because of the broken family court system manipulated with money and practiced liars. These are not isolated incidents, but a trend.  Please help by reaching out and becoming educated and sharing information about Parental Alienation.  Contact spiritual leaders.  Thank you.

 

Should NJ Parents Sue Other Parents for Alienation?

Is the news story about Rachel Canning, the Morristown, N.J.’s 18 year old high school student,  suing her parents for living and tuition expenses WITH THE MONEY FROM A FRIEND’S PARENTS a Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory & a Coraline Plot all in one? 

Readers of this story are comparing Rachel to the spoiled brat in Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.

In the movie Coraline, the “other mother” and the “other father” turn the preteen Coraline against her parents by pointing out her parents’ shortcoming and providing a more enticing place to stay:

Coraline

Nothing’s changed. You’ll go home. You’ll be bored. You’ll be ignored. No one will listen to you, really listen to you. You’re too clever and too quiet for them to understand. They don’t even get your name right.”
― Coraline

In real life, the New Jersey high school girl chose to leave her home when her parents tried to enforce their home rules, according to news reports.  She moved in with friends’ parents, then sued her own parents.  Her friend’s parents are paying for the girl’s legal fees.

An NBC article on their Today Show website reads, (in  part):

[...]

“On Tuesday, a New Jersey judge denied the teen’s request for emergency financial assistance during a court proceeding that brought her together with her parents for the first time since October. The two sides did not exchange any words, although at times Rachel’s parents wept.Elizabeth and Sean Canning have denied all claims of abuse. Instead, they say their daughter got upset after they laid down the law following a suspension from school, incidents of drinking and after dating someone they didn’t like.

[...]

On Tuesday, a New Jersey judge appeared to side with the parents, when he denied Rachel’s request for emergency child support.

[...]

‘Do we want to establish a precedent where parents live in constant fear of establishing basic rules of the house?’ said Morristown Superior Court Judge Peter Bogaard. ‘Since if they institute a rule that Junior doesn’t like, Junior can move out. He can move in with another family, he could sue for child support, attorney’s fees, car, cell phone, and a few hundred grand in college.’”

[...]

When other parents don’t support parents, are they participating in causing further harm to a parent/child relationship?

How would you feel if your child did this because you wanted to create a healthy life for him or her?

Do you think this couple paying for this teenager’s legal fees took the time to question and listen to Rachel’s parents?

Do you think Rachel’s friend’s parents had a right to be a part of dragging the Cannings to court over a request for money?

What happens when a society undermines the influence and values and safety a parent expects to maintain within their own home?

What happens when a society undermines a single parent trying to protect her child from an abusive/alienating ex-spouse?

It’s not good for this high school girl to be in legal conflict with her parents over money and privileges. This lawsuit must have caused great pain and distress and humiliation for her parents who have a right to run their home in a safe and respectful manner without worrying about an expensive lawsuit.

What happens to parents who don’t have that kind of money for legal fees?

What kind of message was the parents of Rachel’s friend sending Rachel by providing legal fees against her parents?

What happens to single parents who don’t have the support of a spouse, but instead have an ex who wants to exploit the court system?

Should both single and married parents sue for alienation of affection and attempt to corrupt a child?

Did having this family on the stand cause greater damage to them as a family? If yes, then do these N.J. parents of Rachel have a right sue the adults who supported Rachel’s lawsuit against them?