How Single Moms Can Get Through Pregnancy Without Destroying Their Psychological Health

Being a mother is perhaps every girl’s lifelong dream. It often shows in the way they roleplay with dolls and treat them as their children. Some will not even let an hour pass without the dolls in their arms and throw a fit if the parents take them away. 

Despite that, when these girls turn into women, they realize that it is not always easy to find a man they can build a family with. Many of them end up as single parents and really struggle to keep women’s health together, especially if their partner bails on them or is too messed up to keep.

In case you become a single mother before giving birth, though, it is understandable how it may harshly affect your mental health. As a single parent, you are at the most vulnerable phase of your life; the family you wished to give your child is already broken before they even arrived. But as much as you may want to give up, you should: 

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Think About Your Unborn Child

The first thing that you should think about is the well-being of your unborn child, especially the future child mental health. Many experts have stated that a baby could feel everything the mother feels when they’re in your womb. So, if you are restless, they become restless. When you are always crying and depressed, it may have an adverse effect on them. Poor mental health problems could hurt your baby so you should seek out additional care and support.

Because of that, you need to try to be happy all the time. You have the power to increase or decrease the risk factors affecting your child’s mental health. Hold on to the love you feel for your child. Remember: the primary goal is to help your unborn child develop healthily and avoid poor health and child behavioral problems. If you need to watch many comedies or be around your loved ones or go on a trip, go for it regardless of your socioeconomic status. There should be no room for anything that may jeopardize your baby’s development and child health. 

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Consider That Single Parenting Might Be Better For You And Your Maternal Mental Health

No woman wants to be a solo parent from the beginning – not even adoptive young mothers. The need to have a partner in life is strengthened when you create a new life with someone special. However, there are also instances when it is better to be single instead of coupling with your child’s father. 

The perfect example of that is what Jenna went through in the Waitress musical. Assuming you hadn’t seen the show when it was still on Broadway, you should know that she was a waitress with a verbally – and almost physically – abusive husband. When Jenna realized that she was pregnant, she felt so scared about it. It didn’t help that her good-for-nothing husband asked her not to love their baby more than him. Jenna waited until she was in the delivery room to tell her husband that she wanted him gone, but she did it anyway. 

I know a lot of women like Jenna in the world. And believe it or not, it is always more ideal to raise a child alone than to expose them to such toxic relationships where you have to constantly be examining mental health of everyone involved. 

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Allow Your Loved Ones To Support You

A common reason why a pregnant woman may find it challenging to deal with single motherhood is a lack of support from friends and family. That is especially true if they turn their back on their loved ones, only to be betrayed by the man they picked over the latter. Pride may also get in the way as they want to prove to everyone that their pregnancy is not a mistake. Single mom pregnancy, mental health is a crucial consideration. A mental health condition, such as postpartum depression and other depressive symptoms, doesn’t make it any easier after childbirth.

Still, here’s a newsflash: not everyone is too evil to keep on taunting you after knowing what you are going through. Perhaps your family is upset because of what you have done to them. That’s okay; they have the right to feel that way. However, if you are scared of getting rejected by them when you wish to come home, there’s a high likelihood that it is a baseless fear.  

As for child health, you need to believe that some people genuinely care about you and your baby, and all there is to do is to let them in your world. This way, being a single mother won’t feel too impossible anymore.

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Deal With Negative Thoughts Much Later

Are you still unable to get over your breakup with your unborn child’s father? Do you often lie awake at night and think about what has gone wrong in your relationship? Does being a single parent cause symptoms of depression and affect your overall mental health and well-being, and cause you some behavioral problems?

Although I would typically recommend facing your problems head-on, it may not be suitable for pregnant young mothers, especially those at a young maternal age. As mentioned above, an unborn child can feel every emotion that the mom experiences. Dealing with negativity while your baby is still under the developmental stage in the womb may cause complications later.  Don’t let your maternal depression or postpartum depression bring you down. There are many single mothers’ resources you can check out such as child welfare centers and postnatal health care programs.

If you can wait to do that until your due date, that will be incredible for your child.

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Bottom Line

No one blames you for becoming a single mother during your pregnancy, whether you have chosen to be one or not. For the sake of single mom’s mental health, pay zero attention to them because their comments will do nothing but mess with your head. Aside from being healthy, you need to be mentally stable so that you can prepare to be a mom and dad to your baby.

Good luck!

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The Alienated Parent: Surviving The Challenges Of A Broken Family

 

 

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Surviving the challenges of being an alienated mom or dad is not easy at all. Keeping your rationality, albeit your children abandoning all your attempts at keeping in touch, is devastating, and trying to be sensible in the arena of the family court is truly challenging. How can you feel normal when your family is broken and you are alienated from your kids? Can life for you ever become sane again?

Below are some essential pieces of advice for parents who have to cope with the heartbreaking realm of parental alienation.

Surviving Amidst Parental Alienation

Move forward mentally and emotionally. Do not focus on the broken relationship that you had with your alienated child or children. Move past the bitterness and rage. Don’t punish yourself. Concentrate on finding positivity every single day. Get some activity going—exercise or volunteer in your community. Start writing. And when your day is just not going the way you want it to, pray the serenity prayer. There is immeasurable power in it.

When you are an embattled parent dealing with parental alienation, you must feel alone, depressed, and broken. And if you’re struggling like most alienated parents, you might have the same question for the various mental health professionals and everyone else who attempts to provide comfort and advice: How? Where do I begin? Is there a manual for this?

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Even the smartest advice for reliving connections with your alienated kid, such as regularly keeping in touch with your child through messages of love and care, would be pretty difficult. To make things worse, showing your outpouring love and acknowledgment to your child provides him with the courage he needs to keep his painful and unyielding position. He could say, “I can keep on treating you badly because I’m sure you adore me, and you’ll always think that it’s not my fault.” Keeping your sane self when a previously loved child does not accept your invitation or never talks to you on the phone is really tough work. Keeping the sanity in the world of the family courts is also tough, particularly if your ex-spouse does not pass up a chance to file legalities to prevent you from communicating with your child, eventually damaging your soul and your bank account.

Gather Positivity

One of the most effective coping strategies for parental alienation is likened to the saying about an individual who visits the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I get hurt when I do something like this,” and the doctor would always respond, “So why do you do that? Don’t do that!” For instance, it is a fact that you must keep on proving to your estranged child that you are the persistent loving parent that you were then and now. But there is nothing in the law that states you must confront your child’s hurtful rejection when things aren’t going your way, and the abandonment will really break you to pieces.

Rather, you can make a call to your child right after you’ve spoken to your boss who just made a compliment, or you get to finish a difficult project, or your favorite show featured the best actress. You still may get a no from your child, or he’ll hang up the phone and not talk to you, but it won’t hurt that much if you’ve already felt glad about something.

Change Your Mindset

If you’re depressed when you think about the days when you were bonding with your child, then you’ve got to change your mindset. There’s this woman I know who alters her negative thoughts with joyful recollections of her frequent trips to her doting grandmother. Often, she would get rid of negative memories by imagining that she is wading in the clear, blue waters. Regardless of where your thoughts will bring you, you may alter both your mindset and your whole day with these little mind vacations.

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In CBT, reorganizing your thoughts entails altering something negative that you usually recite in your mind into a more affirmative statement. Say, for instance, based on your present circumstance, you may recite this silently, “My child is angry at me, and he doesn’t love me anymore.” Try changing this statement to, “My kid does love me and wishes to be with me again. It’s just that he’s doing his best to survive something that is hurtful for him as much as it is hurtful for me.”

On other days, thought replacements won’t do you any good, and you feel that you are not able to overcome the devastation and sadness of parental alienation. Just don’t fight it but negotiate with yourself. Permit yourself to feel sad for a time – just for a time – like before the day ends, or before heading to sleep. As a substitute for allowing yourself to feel sad and mourn the failure of keeping your child, commit to doing something after the deadline that would make you feel much better.

The Takeaway

Ultimately, the best way to deal with parental alienation is to gain knowledge. You may also want to look at the effects on social media on family relationships, and use them to build a connection with your loved ones. Having a sufficient understanding of the subject will give you emotional strength and enable you to handle any co-parenting challenges post-divorce you and your child experience.

 

 

Parenting 101: Help Kids Cope During The Pandemic

This pandemic situation is the number one cause of stress and anxiety of most people right now. And the victim of these mental illnesses is not limited to adults only. Children and adolescence also experience a different level of stress and anxiety that they sometimes cannot handle. So in times like this, it is essential that we also help the children cope with this pandemic.

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As we are all aware, kids and adolescence thrive on structure and predictability. They are good at understanding what is already in front of them. That explains the process of learning from experience where adults receive first-hand information, and then pass it to the children. But in this pandemic situation, everyone is adjusting in their lives simultaneously. Thus, it becomes a turning point for children to step up and try their best to match other people’s coping ability. But it doesn’t have to be that way. As adults, we need to find a way to help the children during this crisis because we are responsible for their overall wellbeing.

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Preservation Of Some Routines

Understandably, there are limitations and strict safety protocols the children must follow. Of course, we don’t want anything wrong to happen to them. But to help kids cope, we must allow them to look at the situation differently. We must understand that even if we are now working our progress to the new normal, we still have to retain some of the kids’ usual routines. These include playing, learning, and socializing. That is because some of us parents are becoming overprotective of our children that we hinder them from being kids. It shouldn’t have to be that way. We should not allow our kids to live their lives with fear and worries all the time.

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Unnecessary Input Of Negativity

As parents, it is okay that we level up our concerns to our children. We have to remind them of the disadvantage of the situation. However, we must understand that the way we deliver the words can significantly impact their outlook on what’s happening around them. We must learn how to slowly discuss negative information to our kids so that they will not feel a certain amount of emotional weight on their chest. If we haven’t noticed, kids are critical thinkers. It is possible that they may feel scared because they can’t do anything. They might think that some of us adults can’t handle our overall wellbeing, what more can them? With that, we must often talk honestly with the children to avoid confusion.

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Do Not Allow Isolation

Children are typically terrified of everything. That is their nature because they understand the insufficient knowledge and experience they have compared to adults. Thus, they remain dependent on us during this pandemic. But some parents are not aware of the danger of allowing kids to be alone, especially in a situation like this. So as parents, we must be there for our children. We need to let them know that being alone in this situation is not going to help anyone. We must not make them feel that home quarantine is design to keep them away from other people. We need to explain that this whole social distancing protocol intends to save lives and not to influence isolation.

Yes, it will be difficult for children to manage their lives because of the sudden changes they have to deal with. But we can help them with their struggle. As parents, we can make their lives easier as long as we try and understand their mental and emotional needs during this time.

Why Parents Need To Be Present In Kids’ Formative Years

It has been an eye-opening experience to attend the Parental Involvement Conference 2019. I did not want to admit that at first, but that’s the truth. It is especially helpful for the parents of young children like myself, who do not have particular parenting styles yet.

One of the ideas that stuck with me is, “Parents need to be present during the little ones’ formative years.” Here’s why.

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Kids Learn The Best From Their Parents

Whenever people say that parents are the best teachers, I believe them. The reason is that they know their kids more than anyone else. They have an idea about their interests; they can develop learning materials that suit the children’s needs. And this role is crucial during their formative years.

Being Present Keeps You From Regretting The Lost Years

I have a friend who always left her young children at the care of her mother so that she could work full-time. Her husband abandoned them, and it was the only way to feed the family. But as the kids became a little older and closer to their grandmother than their mother, my friend regretted not being around during their formative years.

Can the lost times be brought back? Nope. All absentee parents can do at this point is to make sure that they are present now. 

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Your Presence Can Lower The Chances Of Kids Straying Away In The Future

It is common to find parents at preschools. Sometimes, it is because they volunteer to help the teachers deal with the kids. Other times, it is because the little ones refuse to study unless they can see their mom or dad. 

The latter indicates the children’s dependence on the parents. Even if some people frown upon babying them in such circumstances, your kids will only remember that you are there when they need you the most. Thus, the memory may prevent them from going astray in the future.

Final Thoughts

There is no doubt regarding a parent’s determination to ensure that your kids will never experience hunger or poverty. Some even go as far as working overseas to guarantee that. However, if possible, try to be a permanent part of their formative years so that they can develop naturally.

 

Child Custody During COVID-19 Pandemic

Parents are facing big decisions during this pandemic time, especially in providing medical attention and education to their kids. Navigating to what is best for children somehow affects both parents’ emotional and mental capability since both of them are affected by the situation as well. There is too much pressure on who is supposed to be there with the kids. And during these uncertain times, one can take advantage.

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This current situation is a challenging time for those parents who share joint custody of their children. A lot of parents worry too much about what the kids are doing or who they are interacting with. During these times that the children have to switch back and forth, how is that affecting the kids’ lives? How can parents act on the kids’ exposure to other people when one of them is not around? How can parents secure the kids’ safety when only one of them is allowed to spend time with the children following a parental agreement?

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An Opportunity For Parental Alienation

On a case by case analysis, parental alienation can increase when one of the parents took advantage of the pandemic situation. If one of them becomes unreasonable, he or she might validate his or her action by stating the danger of the children’s exposure outside their home. Therefore, demanding and refusing for the children to travel or visit the other parent becomes an unbreakable rule of the one who is in charge. During this pandemic crisis, most parents that live separate lives together understand the danger of the situation. And both of them see it as an essential asset to an open opportunity to keep one parent away from the children.

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Key Steps In Keeping A Balanced Child Custody

In line with the issue of shared custody, one of the parents should not have to worry that much. That is because there are a few key steps that can help in protecting their custody rights from the other parent. These steps will work if both parties ensure to agree and follow parental agreement provided that it prioritizes the kids’ safety.

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  1. The children need to have a routine where both parents can participate. The kids’ need a consistent schedule of doing different tasks in a timely manner. If in case the mom or dad can’t be there, one must allow the other to take the required spot to avoid keeping it empty. Both parents should agree to the set-up so no one can complain about who’s taking more time spent with the kids and who is not.
  2. Communication is always the key to the situation. If one parent becomes too confident about his or her rights in shared custody, he or she might reconsider. That is because a long period of not seeing or interacting with either one of them can increase the chances of kids’ feeling left out by one parent. Thus, it can add to the uncertainties of parental alienation. So to avoid that from happening, both parents must communicate with each other and to their children as well.
  3. Discussing the responsibilities and complications of the situation is a must. Custody agreements are still binding unless it gets legally modified. Therefore, there is no chance one parent can stop the other from visitation. That is regardless of the possible reason one parent presents to the other. So to avoid parental alienation, both parents should comply with their roles and responsibilities. That includes emotional, physical, mental, financial aids. Regardless of the pandemic situation, one or both parents should not use the global crisis as an excuse to disregard custody agreements.

Dealing With Parental Alienation Post-Divorce

When I attended the 2018 Parental Alienation Conference, I listened to stories of moms and dads with strained relationships with their kids after divorce. Most of them have joint custody, but a child won’t last longer than a few hours under their care because the little one is angry at the parent. Some end up resenting the child for choosing their ex instead of them.

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I had seen it happen in person when my uncle divorced his wife a few years back. They had two young kids aged three and eight years old at the time. The mother spoke ill of the father, so the older kid chose to side with their mom and not see their dad. It happens in many households, especially if the wounds in the adults’ hearts are still fresh.
Nevertheless, if you have gotten the shorter end of the stick, and your child wants nothing to do with you, what should you do?
Continue Loving Your Kid
The best course of action is to keep on showing your child how much you love them. Even if they don’t look at you or answer your calls, give them everything they need. Remember that your kid is hurting, so you should try to understand their feelings.

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Make Amends With Your Ex
Parent alienation may last for as long as you offend your ex. No matter what has caused the split, therefore, you need to be in speaking terms with them. That’s the only way to coax your ex to encourage the child to open up to you.
Wait Until Your Child Is Ready To Accept You Again
Nothing good comes out of forcing your angry kid to spend the day with you. Doing so may anger them more and widen your relationship gap. Instead, wait in the sidelines until their intense emotions subside.

 

Parent alienation does not end overnight. Estranged moms and dads must put in a lot of effort to make the children see that they will always be there for them. Don’t lose hope—your kids will eventually realize that.

How To Keep Your Marriage Strong After Having Children 

One popular myth about parenting is that children can boost the happiness of the couple. While many couples strive to have children in their lives, having one doesn’t necessarily add to the overall happiness of the couple. In fact, having a child may even decrease that happiness.  

 

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  Continue reading “How To Keep Your Marriage Strong After Having Children “

How You Alienate Without Even Knowing It 

Something that needs to be made clear is that it’s easy to understand the tendency of a parent to alienate their ex-partner. There manifests a need to validate one’s past choices, a need to have an ally, and especially a need to take solace in knowing that the child doesn’t take anything against the parent they live with. 

 

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  Continue reading “How You Alienate Without Even Knowing It “

Can Children Really Unlove Their Parents? The Surprising Truth On Parental Alienation

Broken marriages and conflict-ridden families are sad realities of our world today. While everyone is affected, the most challenging blow of pain is always received by the children.  

The heart-pounding reality is when once happy and beautiful marriages break apart in divorce, parents, who were just moms and dads before, start playing different roles in the life of their children. According to William Bernet, M.D. and co-authors, “We define parental alienation as a mental condition in which a child—usually one whose parents are engaged in a high-conflict divorce—allies himself or herself strongly with one parent (the preferred parent) and rejects a relationship with the other parent (the alienated parent) without legitimate justification.”

 

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Continue reading “Can Children Really Unlove Their Parents? The Surprising Truth On Parental Alienation”