The dissolution of marriages often leads to parentectomy. The effects of parentectomy are more severe on children than adults. Alienation from their parents leads them to become emotionally scarred for life. These kids are unable to relate to their peers normally.
More often than not, they are often involved in abusive relationships. Parentectomy is usually studied by the children. Here is a discussion of the evolution to parentectomy from the parent’s perspective.
Stage 1: Honeymoon Phase
You were inseparable when you were just in the relationship. You think you hit off together perfectly. You think his/ her quirks are funny. You can’t get enough of each other’s company.
You are now planning to get married in a month’s time.
After your wedding, you feel like you’re on top of the world. You go to bed and wake up beside the person of your dreams. You spend every waking moment beside him/ her. The happily ever after you have been dreaming of has just been realized. Randi Gunther Ph.D. further proves the point, “The intensity and sensitivity of their physical attraction to one another are major players in the early stages of their relationship.”
After several months, you and your spouse are looking forward to another addition to your family. Your baby will be a bundle of joy for you and your spouse.
Stage 2: Trouble Brewing
After the birth of your firstborn, you now have less time for yourself. You find yourself continually bickering with your spouse over the simplest of things. You believe it is just because you lack sleep. You say to yourself that things will get better after a few months. “The joke goes that you’ll know that the honeymoon is over when instead of saying sweet nothings you start saying nothing sweet. That’s extreme but there’s something to it. These days, a lot of relationships survive the honeymoon period just fine, but fail as it fades,” says Jeremy E Sherman Ph.D., MPP.
Your baby is now a year old. However, things are going downhill.
You don’t want to spend time with your spouse. You don’t even want to see him/ her. You spend most of your energy doting on your baby. You believe your spouse is a lazy bum.
Stage 3: At The Edge Of The Cliff
Every day, you are considering when and how you will initiate divorce with your spouse. You think your child can do better without him/ her. Your child will be raised well in an environment that is free from bickering and hostility.
You begin to condition your child’s thinking that your spouse is not a good role model. “When a couple decides to call it quits, the intensive session is geared toward helping the committed spouse accept the decision and discussing strategies for effective co-parenting once the marriage has ended,” Michele Weiner-Davis LCSW explains.
Stage 4: Full-Blown Parentectomy
You have been divorced for two years now. Your child is now an active toddler ready to explore the world.
The court has given you full custody of the child. You were able to prove that your spouse is not ready to raise your kid.
You deny your child to your spouse. Despite constant pleas from both your spouse and your child, you don’t want them to meet. You believe that they don’t need each other, without thinking about its long-term effects.
Stage 5: The Aftermath
You are now advanced in age, and your child has a family of his own. He has long resented the fact that he has not been able to spend time with his mother/ father.
His alienation resulted in him trying out drugs, to hang out with bad company, and to suffer from low self-esteem. He felt unloved and alone.
Preventing parentectomy starts with upholding good relations with your spouse. You can do this by going on regular date nights, constant and healthy communication, and self-care.